Week 308: Give Us No Mo

Old rhyme:

Eenie meenie miney mo
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers, let him go
My mother said to pick the very best one
And out goes Y-O-U.

New rhyme:

Bibbity-bobbity-bet
Perverts on the Internet.
Sting 'em, bring 'em
To their knees
And out goes Mis-ter Sleaze.

This week's contest was proposed by Elden Carnahan of Laurel, who wins a tub of Camo-Off, moistened towelettes to remove camouflage paint. Elden says kids need an updated version of those old children's selecting rhymes so they can have a hipper, more relevant way to mindlessly narrow their options by substituting pure chance for rational, critical thought. (By the way, a friend who grew up on the South Side of Chicago recalls a far better rhyme: "Acka backa soda cracka / Acka backa boo. / Acka backa soda cracka / Out goes Y-O-U.") Your rhyme must (1) rhyme and (2) must conform, at least loosely, to a point-and-shoot cadence that permits the elimination of one item from a group. First-prize winner receives a rare and valuable relic, an "In Gus We Trust" Washington Redskins T-shirt, featuring a likeness of the quarterback who was the glorious future of the franchise for an entire half-season. It is worth $ 40. 

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 308, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: losers@washpost.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Feb. 15. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Eye Chart No One Reads was written by Ned Bent of Herndon. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 305, in which we gave you "Jeopardy!" answers and invited you to supply the questions. Two excellent responses were too popular to reward with prizes: Answer: "Jupiter, Venus, Mars and Gaithersburg." Question: "Name four places with almost no atmosphere." And: Answer: "Congratulations! It's a Goy!" Question: "What were the first words spoken by the Three Wise Men upon the birth of Jesus?"

Sixth Runner-Up -- Answer: Gold, Frankincense and Chiclets

Question: What do you give when you you've given all you can and there just ain't no myrrh? (George Murray, Vienna; Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

Fifth Runner-Up -- Answer: Gold, Frankincense and Chiclets

Question: What gifts were bestowed upon the King of the Chews?

(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park; Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Fourth Runner-Up -- Answer: Cogito Ergo Something or Other

Question: What is the Descartes-Heisenberg principle? (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Third Runner-Up -- Answer: Cogito Ergo Something or Other

Question: What is a Cartesian "well?"? (David Genser, Arlington)

Second Runner-Up -- Answer: Congratulations! It's a Goy!

Question: How did the obstetrician break the news to the parents of the hermaphrodite?

(J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

First Runner-Up -- Answer: A Llama, a Thermometer but not Elizabeth Dole

Question: What are some things that can climb with a man sitting on them?

(Susan Reese, Arlington)

And the winner of the gas mask from Tel Aviv:

Answer: (Pic of Upside DowQuestion: What is the only way to get the president's pants back up to his waist?

(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Honorable Mentions:

Confucius, John Donne, and That Wascawy Wabbit

What are three things that Barbara Walters can actually pronounce correctly?

(Matt Michalak, Charles Town, W.Va.)

Cogito Ergo Something or Other

What is another way to say, "I think, therefore I am, I think." (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What is the subtitle of the book "Rene Descartes: The Early Years"? (Dave Pickering, Bowie)

Jupiter, Saturn, Mars and Gaithersburg

What are four places where real estate values are not likely to go up until teleportation is invented? (Mike Genz, La Plata)

What are three places with gravitational pulls and one place with tractor pulls?

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Name four places where they seldom discuss Monet. (Bill Crandell, Silver Spring)

What final list of possible sites implies that Gaithersburg bribed organizers of the 2008 Olympic Games? (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

Congratulations! It's a Goy!

What is a potentially actionable slip of the tongue in a Tel Aviv hospital?

(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

With what words did Ken Starr notify Monica Lewinsky of the results of the DNA test on her dress? (Joseph Romm, Washington)

What would be a clever graphic representation of the White House not appreciating the gravity of the situation?

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

1)
2)
3)

Who do the Bulls have lined up to replace Michael Jordan? (Nancy McWhorter, Washington)

What has more counts, but less substance, than the impeachment charges?

(Russ Beland, Springfield)

What is: 4) None of the above?

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

What does Monica's dance card look like lately? (Amy Smitherman, McGaheysville)

Nipples on Men

What product name did not work out and was changed to Raisinets? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

In the Fire Island production of "The Sound of Music," what lyrics replaced "whiskers on kittens"? (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

What did women get after asking God for help with the kids? (Kelly Price, Severn)

What is sexier than nipples on a hagfish, but just barely? (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

What would be a bad title for a newspaper column about men, by staff writer Al Nipples? (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

What are never, ever described as "perky"? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What is right on the tip of my tongue? Oh, wait, sorry, That's the answer for Cogito Ergo Something or Other. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

What is the proof that God is a woman, and she has a sense of humor? (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Gold, Frankincense and Chiclets

What were the gifts brought by the Two Wise Men and the Idiot? (Jim Sample, Alexandria)

What are the ingredients of gum arabic?

(Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Name three items found in the glove compartment of the Popemobile?

(Michael Jahr, Washington)

How did Matt Drudge report the Wise Men's gifts? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

A llama, a thermometer, but not Elizabeth Dole

What items do you need to obtain the rectal temperature of a llama? (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Name two things associated with warmth. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

President William Jefferson Hernandez

Who failed to discover the Fountain of Truth? (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Next Week: Youngian Therapy